“Now, Rosalie, you need to forgive him and move on. He said he was sorry.” Allie could always tell how her mother felt about a situation by which name she was called. If her mother called her “darling” she was pleased, aloof, and light. This, Rosalie knew, was likely soon after she took her Prozac. However, if her mother was particularly miffed or didn’t like Allie’s choices, she called her by her given name, apparently this was one of those conversations, if it involves Hayes and Allie, and Allie isn’t compliant, she’s irritated, Allie rolls her eyes, “Who did he apologize to… because… it wasn’t me?” she questions her mom. Allie didn’t often question her parents; it definitely wasn’t a thing when she was growing up. Questions were equivalent to disrespect in her father’s eyes.
“Oh, Rosalie, don’t be ridiculous. He expressed to Charlise how apologetic he was. Though, in my opinion, he really didn’t need to be when we found out that heathen punched him in the face. Really, darling, you should consider taking Hayes up on his offer. What kind of life are you providing for Asher with all that violence around?”
In your anger, do not sin. In your anger, do not sin, Allie repeated Jesus’s words in her head over and over, trying to reign in the anger from the constant dismissal of his behavior. What would it take for them to finally see how abusive his behavior was? Because he didn’t put his hands on her then it doesn’t count? Allie breathed in and out, trying to remember to be slow to speak but it wasn’t working, she wanted to explode. Calmly and with ice on every syllable she asked, “What violence? Before he showed up, I was peacefully minding my business.” Her mother didn’t immediately respond, which Allie regretted because now she was fired up, “Also, what kind of example are we,” she emphasized, “setting for Asher if his DAD,” this she emphasized louder, “can’t control himself if he is told ‘no’?”
“Rosalie, really,” her mother huffed, “what do you expect? You’ve never told him no before, so he was caught off guard.”
“And that’s an excuse?” Allie pinches the skin between her brows, trying to level her increasing heart rate. She didn’t like confrontation, it gave her an extreme adrenaline rush that made her shake, “I don’t want to be with him, mother. I have no desire to marry Hayes or spend any time with him outside of being a co-parent.”
“I just don’t understand you, Rosalie. You could be taken care of. Your every need met, and you would never have to want for anything. You could even use that silly little degree of yours to head one of the charities at the club.”
“Is it really so hard to believe that I want to wait for someone that God builds me up for? To wait for a man that God trusts with my heart rather than trusting a man that has proven that he doesn’t know how to take care of one? I want someone who will love me, for me. I don’t have to lose weight for or look a certain weight. They love Asher as their own. They look to God and isn’t afraid to lead me, to let me be vulnerable and soft.”
Her mother is quiet for a moment before dismissing her daughter once again, “Don’t be so naïve, Rosalie. God has better things to do than to worry about your pretend husband, and honestly, losing a little weight wouldn’t hurt. If you move back, we could work out at the club together.” Allie wishes that her mother could see the damage that she did by obsessing about Allie’s weight. The only saving grace that she had as a kid was that she happened to like a sport that involved burning a lot of calories. She blamed her mother for her unhealthy relationship with food, her image, and low self-worth. Hot tears brim causing Allie’s nose and cheeks to sting with emotion, she was lucky that Millie hadn’t brought Asher back to the house just yet.
While she was dreading Asher being out of school for the summer because finding summer care for the days that Millie couldn’t babysit was hectic. The school had a daycare, but for whatever reason they didn’t provide part-time care, not that Allie could afford it. But she was thankful that he was with Millie today and couldn’t see the tense conversation between her and his “Lovie”. Allie is about to respond yet again, when she hears the soft voice of the Holy Spirit gently guiding her to stop, Do not give dogs what is sacred; do not throw your pearls to pigs. If you do, they may trample them under their feet, and tear you to pieces
God really does have a sense of humor because that’s exactly how Allie feels in this moment; trampled, like her voice, her opinions, and her life doesn’t matter. But what she has to remember is that where her earthly family fails, her Heavenly Father never will. Her life matters to Him, that’s why she’s here. Even if she never achieves success according to the world’s standards, she was still created for this time and place, and for that she is grateful. Instead of continuing to argue with her mother, she decides to end the call. Her mother tells her to come over for dinner when she drops off Asher to which Allie gives in and agrees to get off the phone.
As she gets off the phone, she hears a lawn mower try to turn over in the front yard. She walks out on her front porch to see Malachi trying to start the mower, making her laugh. Everyone thinks they’re hot stuff until they gotta start a mower and Chi is no exclusion, she laughs to herself. He sees Allie and runs over, abandoning the mower, “Hey Al Pal,” he greets her with the nickname he gave her the day she told him her preferred name of “Allie”, “are we just doing the usual today?” Allie nods then points to some hot spots around the yard where she’s noticed some weeds. Normally, she would do the yard work herself, but Malachi approached her wanted to do some side jobs to make extra money for college, though, initially she wasn’t sure why since he had earned a full scholarship. It didn’t take long to figure out that he was doing it for Lily. So, she agreed.
“How are you doing? I haven’t seen much of you this summer?” She uses her hand as a visor as she looks up to the abnormally large teen. He’s taller than both of his brothers, standing over six-foot three inches, and lankier. Malachi wipes his brow with his forearm and said that he been staying busy with his spring workouts until he had to report to campus for official practices, “Are you excited?”
Malachi rocks back on his heals, looking out over the bright green terrain, “Yeah, but it’s kind of surreal though. It hasn’t fully settled in, I guess.”
“What does Lily think? How are things going?” Allie asks hopefully. They had been praying for a breakthrough with her dad and his drinking, but Malachi hadn’t reported anything new. He hadn’t said anything since that first day that Mateo came to town. Allie bites the side of her lip with worry as Malachi gives her a somber answer, telling her it seems to get worse by the day so he often picks her and her brother up in the morning and they join him for his workouts.
“That sucks, I’m sorry. I’ll keep praying for God to move. If she needs a place to stay or just wants to decompress away from the drama, her and little Dezzy are more than welcome to come over.”
“Thanks, Al Pal, I’ll let her know. You hear what’s going on with Trev?” He asks laughing. Allie gives him a confused look, and Malachi continues, “He just started that internship, right?” Allie nods, trying to connect the dots, “Well, I guess one of Dr. Ellifrit’s daughters is also interning under her and they are butting heads.”
“Oh, really? His boy next door charisma isn’t working?”
Malachi chuckles, “Apparently not. Teag said that he’s been coming home so frustrated and complaining to Uncle Rich and Aunt Harmony.”
It’s no secret around the Alexander and Hamilton households that Trevor is the pretty boy, and he knows it. He flashes that charming smile of his and gets his way every single time. Nobody can resist those big, milk chocolate brown eyes, except for Dr. Ellifrit’s daughter, of course. She can’t wait to see how this plays out. The two finish catching up and he gets to work, surprised that Asher didn’t come out and immediately greet Malachi. He thinks it’s so cool that he lives next to the high school football team’s starting quarterback. She back in to her house and sees a text from Millie that Asher went with Maverick to feed the animals, and he’ll bring him back on the Rhino once their done.
She walks over the oven, pushing the touch screen buttons to preheat the oven then walks over to the fridge to pull out a frozen pizza for dinner. The conversation with her mom took her out and she just doesn’t have the mental fortitude to cook tonight. She walks back over to the couch then flops down against the cushions and as she relaxes, her phone dings with a text… from Mateo. A smile spreads across her face and a laugh slips out when she read his words,
Mateo: How is your security system holding up?
Allie: About as good as yesterday when you asked. Lol.
Mateo: …
Mateo: Well, now this is awkward.
Allie cackles, picturing how uncomfortable he is, then responds.
Allie: It doesn’t have to be. What’s up?
Mateo: I was actually just looking for an excuse to ask if you had plans tomorrow night?
Allie pulls the side of her lip between her teeth, her heart rate accelerates once again, but this time was okay. Is he about to ask me out? She wonders but shakes her head trying not to get her hopes up. He probably just wants to play basketball again, nothing serious. Mav probably asked him to ask me or they’re trying to get a game going. Be cool, Allie. She takes a deep breath and texts him back.
Allie: No, I don’t believe so…
Allie: So, to clarify… no. Lol.
Mateo: Lol, well would you like to have dinner with me?
SHUT UPPPPP, she screams internally, this is not happening… the timer for the over beeps and she leaves her phone on the couch as she talks herself through what just happened. She tries to convince herself that this wouldn’t be a date, that it was just a casual dinner, it was anything other than a date. What she forgot to do before busying herself was to send a text back which sent Mateo into a mini spiral.
Back at the main house, Mateo was lying on his childhood bed, waiting for a text back from Allie, what was I thinking? Why didn’t I just go ask her out face to face? This is what I get for being lame, for not being a man. Who asks someone out over text? Why isn’t she texting back? He couldn’t take it anymore, so he got up to go look for Millie. She knew what was going on and she knew Allie so she could help him understand what was going on. He rushes across the hall to her room, finding it empty, then heads downstairs. It’s almost been ten minutes, and he hadn’t heard anything. He finds her in the kitchen, breathing a sigh of relief, as he walks over to the counter and tosses his phone on the granite.
Millie gives him a curious stare, pausing her movements of making a peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, “Everything okay?” she asks slowly.
“I asked out Allie,” he rushes out, “but now she isn’t texting me back.”
“Okay, well, relax. This isn’t cool,” she says gesturing her hand over him, “she’s probably busy making dinner for her and Asher or something?” Millie suggests with a shrug.
Just as Mateo composes himself, Allie texts him back, and Mateo releases a sigh of relief.
Allie: If I can find a babysitter, I would love to. :)
Relief and excitement surge through Mateo, not caring if it isn’t cool. He shows the text to Millie, and she excitedly offers to watch Asher again for them to go on a date. After she puts the ingredients to her sandwich away and puts her knife in the sink, she fires off a text to Allie saying that she’ll watch Asher for them tomorrow night. It’s not like I’m doing anything, she thinks solemnly. Any plans surrounding the boy that she had her eye on vanished the moment Mateo stepped off that plane. Although she loved that her brother was home, there was always going to be that “what-if” that sat between them.
Allie: well, that takes care of that. Lol. I would hate to be taking advantage of her, are you sure she doesn’t mind?
Mateo: She doesn’t mind, she’s excited. Lol. But don’t worry about Millie, I’ll make it worth it for her.
Mateo looks at Millie who’s looking fondly at her sandwich, “I know you aren’t going to charge Allie, but let me pay you.” Millie shrugs, saying that she doesn’t mind either way, she just likes to help. Mateo shakes his head, wrapping an arm around his amazing little sister’s head and kissing the top of it before ruffling her hair, “Thank you, I truly appreciate it.” He reaches into his pocket, grabbing his wallet and pulls out a one-hundred-dollar bill to give to her. Her eyes widen at the amount, “Have you lost your mind? How do you have this? Do you just walk around with Bennies in your wallet?!”
He laughs and says, “I have a roommate, a disposable income, and no girlfriend or kids… though I suspect that’s going to change pretty soon. Might as well treat you for doing me a solid.”
“Are you that confident she’s going to like you?”
“I’m confident that… she’s too much to let slip through my fingers.”
Just then the back door creaks open with Asher and Maverick coming in, smelling like barn animals. Asher sees Mateo and rushes over to tell him about feeding the animals and that he should come next time. Mateo looks down at his brand new sneakers, “I don’t think so, bud. These weren’t made for outside.” He laughs but Asher cocks his head to the side, “Then why do you wear them? Maybe you can wear some of Uncle Mav’s boots!” He speeds off toward Dominic’s office, and while he is mostly unavailable at the moment, he will always make time for Asher. Dominic can be heard from the kitchen excitedly greeting Asher, and Asher’s voice fades the farther he gets into Dominic’s office.
Maverick remains quiet in the kitchen as he gets a bottle of water out of the fridge. Millie gives an expectant look to Mateo, silently telling him to make things right as she gestures her head toward Mav. Mateo knows what he said was out of line and he should apologize for it, he just doesn’t know how to, it seems weird. Just as he is about to say something, the moment passes with Maverick walking out of the kitchen to retreat to his room. Mateo lets a defeated sigh out, resigning his apology for another day.
He looks down at his phone and sees another text from Allie asking what they’re going to be doing.
Mateo: It’s a surprise ;) just dress nice. I’ll pick you up at 9?
Allie: Hold up, big dog. Being in my late twenties, my bedtime routine starts at 9, so could we make it around 7:30?
Mateo: See you then.
Allie’s heart fluttered wondering if this was real life, did she really just get asked out on a date? When was the last time that happened? When has it ever happened? She leaned back against her countertops using her hands to brace herself as she breathed out a steading breath just as a ball of red-haired energy burst through the front door. Asher zoomed around the island bar of the kitchen, finding Allie to leap into her arms just as he always did. She picked him up and swirled him around, making him burst into a fit of giggles as she snuggled her nose into his neck. Allie spent the rest of the night listening to Asher as he excitedly recounted the details of his day. She hoped these days would last longer, she was already missing them, even as they were happening.
Allie sat her desk hopelessly watching the time tick by, why is it when I don’t want to do something, time moves at hyper speed, but when a date finally knocks at my door… it can’t get here fast enough?! The day has been dragging on and Asher is becoming restless since his last day was last week. She couldn’t blame him, he was only four, but goodness he has so much energy. Luckly, she lives near and trusts virtually everyone who she works with, so she isn’t concerned with him running around or getting into things that he isn’t supposed to, but he’s already exhausted all those options.
She opted to keep him today so that Millie didn’t have to keep him all day, she didn’t want to burn out one of her only babysitters since Teagan recently signed on with a physical therapy clinic as a receptionist for the summer. Allie sat tapping her fingers rhythmically against the old wooden desk, trying to find something to do. She already finished her daily tasks, her monthly tasks that were due the next week were already done, too, and the church wasn’t supposed to start the event planning for Megan’s celebration of life for another couple of weeks.
She looked around her desk, the scattered paperwork, the miscellaneous pens in disarray, well, since I’m not doing anything, might as well organize, she conceded as she began stacking the papers into an orderly file. Once she was done with the top of her desk, she attacked the drawers. After thirty minutes of diligent organizing, cleaning, and sanitizing, she arrived to the last drawer that was right under the middle of the desk. Though she had the desk for nearly two years, she hadn’t really searched through it. There were a lot of things, assuming Maria’s or even Megan’s, that she found and thought she should take to Dominic. As she was pulling out various stacks of post-its, more pens, random paper, and note cards, her hand touched something in the back of the drawer.
It must’ve been stuck on tape or something because Allie had to give a good tug to pull it out. It was a plain white envelope that wasn’t addressed to anyone. Curiously, she opened it to see if it belonged to anyone or if it was just trash. She gently opened the fragile piece of paper, stunned at what she found.
It was a letter.
From Megan.
She knew she shouldn’t, she knew she should just put it back then go lay it on Dominic’s desk, but she couldn’t. Her script was so elegant and pretty, it drew her in like a moth to a flame, like she had been reading a letter from royalty or something,
Dearest reader,
I’m so glad that you have found this. This was meant for you. I wrote a letter for each one of my children’s future spouses and if you found this letter in the desk of the office, you must’ve married my Mateo.
Allie immediately slammed it down, nope. Nope. No. See Allie, this is what you get for not minding your business.
She carefully folded the letter and placed it back into its envelope then pushed it to the back of the desk where she found it. As much as she loved this job, she was hoping that it would lead to something more, like non-profit, like her mother sort of suggested but with something that mattered. She looked at the clunky, fashionable watch on her wrist, deciding that she would just head out early for the day. She was not unaware of how blessed she was to have a boss as laid back as Dominic. If she had her work done, Dominic had allotted her freedom to create her own schedule, so to speak, I’ll just come in early Sunday to help out to make up the differential.
Since Dominic was still out, she just texted him and Maverick letting them know her plans then she and Asher headed home for the day. Once she stepped out into the heat, the butterflies started swarming and fluttering fervently when she realized that she would be getting ready for her date soon. Her date with Mateo, Breathe, Allie. He’s just a guy.
The drive home went by in a flash with Asher bounding out of the car then into the house. Poor guy, she thought, he was probably just as exhausted with the day that I was. “Mama, I’m going to lay down, I’m sausteeeeeed!” he shouts from his bedroom. Allie laughs at her silly boy then continues to the kitchen to make them both a snack. She doesn’t have any siblings nor cousins so she had no idea the tole that a little boy could have on her grocery bill, the boy had a bottomless pit for a stomach. She sat Asher’s snack in the fridge for whenever he decided to get up, likely whenever Millie arrived. Though boredom got the better of her at work, it still didn’t speed time up, so she had about an hour or so before it was socially appropriate to get ready for a date, so she sat down in the corner of her sectional then picked up her Bible to start reading.
It had been a couple of weeks since speaking to Maria about whether to tell Mateo about their connection, yet she still hadn’t heard clearly what she was supposed to do, Lord, how do I do this? Will he be mad? Will this cause him to flee again? I don’t want to cause this family more pain. Lord, help me. How do I bring this up? This topic wasn’t exactly first date types of conversations, but when would a good time to bring it up be? She closed the book, mentally exhausted from the mental gymnastics, then reclined into the cushions.
Still nothing.
No roaring rivers, no thunderous proclamations, not even a burning bush.
Lord, how do I hear You? How do I separate my voice from Yours?
Allie sighed just as the door creaked open while Millie simultaneously knocked, “Hey, I know I’m early, but I figured you’d probably want a moment alone to get ready and to field any awkward questions. Have you said anything about,” she looked toward Asher’s room, “dating?”
Truthfully, Allie hadn’t thought about it. He was so young, she didn’t know if it was important enough to say anything, but now she’s second guessing herself, “do you think I should have? I don’t want to get his hopes up or anything. He really likes Mateo, but I’m not sure if he knows what it is yet.”
“I don’t know. My dad never dated after my mom died so this isn’t an area where I have expertise in… but, I would say, just let things happen naturally. If he asks, tell him. If he doesn’t, cool.”
“Sure, I don’t even know what I’m getting ahead of myself for. I don’t even know if this date will lead to anything, plus, I don’t think your brother plans on staying, right? It’s just good practice.” Allie talks rapidly, chuckling nervously, not sure how much of that she believed. She likes Mateo, truly, more than she’s allowed herself to like anyone in the past. This was all too much. How did she navigate it? First, the obvious, then there was Asher, then to top it off, he could be leaving back to Washington at the end of the summer. Allie wasn’t sure if going on this date was worth the potential disappointment.
“Whoa, Allie, breathe. Okay?” Millie grabs the sides of Allie’s shoulders, exaggerating inhaling and exhaling for Allie to mimic, “in and out.” Another breath, “good. Allie this is out of your control. As much as I would love to give you and myself confirmation that my brother is staying in Oklahoma, I can’t.”
Allie’s face falls. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting. It would be ridiculous for him to decide to give up his entire life and career in Washington for a plumpy single mom that he met two weeks ago. “Hey, but what I can say is that we serve a God that’s above us, that’s bigger than this situation. If it’s big enough to worry about, it’s big enough to pray about. Give it to him.”
“Wouldn’t that be overdramatic, or even a little presumptuous? I just met the guy… it’s not that serious is it?”
“You tell me… then tell Him.”
Just as Allie was about to respond, Asher yells at Millie from his doorframe like it had been years since he seen her though he only saw her yesterday, “I missed you!” he exclaimed as she picked him up and he wrapped his arms around her. Millie pouted out her bottom lip, holding a hand to her heart at his sweet words then took him over to the couch and begun questioning him over what the plans were for that night. Allie took the opportunity to sneak away to her bathroom while she overheard Asher telling Millie all about how he wanted to eat pizza, ice cream, play hide and seek, and legos.
Allie turned on her curling iron then began separating her thick hair into sections. As much as she appreciated the long, luscious locks that she had inherited from her grandmother, she had to admit that it was a pain to keep up with, however, it did have the perks of slimming her face. From the bathroom, she could hear Asher’s gleeful giggles followed by heavy footsteps running throughout the house. As much as she loved these moments, the milestones, the achievements, she dreaded them as well. She hated experiencing them alone. She hated seeing Asher doing something funny, curious, or intelligent and having no one to bask in the moment with.
After about thirty minutes of diligent curling and one scorched finger, she finally laid the last perfectly curled piece in place. Happy with the look, she looked at the clock seeing that Mateo would be arriving in about thirty minutes so she set a timer for twenty and got to work on her makeup. When she was done, she gave a pleasant sigh in the mirror, pleased with what she saw then walked to her closet to decide what to wear. She had her eye on an army green dress that was flattering for curvy women such as herself, could I pull it off though? What if my stomach pooches out too much? She bit her lip nervously as she held the dress up in front of her face, “Oh you have to wear that!” Millie exclaims.
“Really? It’s not too much?”
“For my brother? On this date? Not a chance.”
With enough confidence gathered, Allie thought she had the bright idea to put on shapewear, but as she hoisted up the garment, she wasn’t so sure, do women really do this all the time? I think my organs just became best friends. She shimmied the dress over her head and even if she was contemplating on taking the shapewear off, breathing had suddenly become overrated once she saw her figure in the mirror, “Oh, who is that?!” she said out loud, “Marilyn Monroe, who? Ooh, ahh.. oh my goodness. Who is this girl?” she exclaims as she rotates her view in the mirror.
She hears laughing from the doorframe again, “Oh, Mateo doesn’t stand a chance.” This time when she turns around, she sees Malachi then she rolls her eyes when he starts catcalling her, though she knows she is blushing brightly, “Mills! How much do we wanna bet that he drools?!” I’m calling everyone!”
Allie slips on the white converse that pairs perfectly with the dress, hoping that it bodes well for his dress code tonight. She hears the familiar ring back of the video chat app then hears the collective greetings from multiple people. Malachi briefly explains why he’s calling while Allie finds Millie and asks why he’s there. Millie shrugs saying that he just showed up and that Lily was probably with her grandparents.
Malachi pans the phone over to Allie, then a cacophony of whoops and hollers came from the phone, making Allie duck her head, “Baby, you better workkkkkk!” Teagan shouts from the phone, “Look at you! You look incredible! Oh, he’s definitely going to drool.”
“Nah, I don’t buy it. No offense to you, Als. Mateo has more game than that.” Trevor defends.
“Yeah, I second that. Dude is a college basketball star. He has nerves of steel; his composure is ice cold.” Maverick seconds.
Allie laughs at the ridiculousness within her house at the moment, but she can’t help but swell as she looks around. I prayed for this, she thought, I prayed for these moments. For a home, for a family, for levity. Thank You, Jesus. She smiles, her heart warms from the presence of her Savior. Just as the argument between the siblings and cousins heat up, the rumble from the Rhino sounds just over the hill of the property.
As if Mateo was in the room, Malachi shushes everyone as he rushes over the large window looking out to the yard. Seeing the large, lanky teen attempting to crouch below the window seal was a sight to see. Millie rolls her eyes then shakes her head at her twins antics then grabs Allie’s hands, “You ready?”
“I think so…” Allie responds, biting the inside of her lip.
“Can I pray over your date?”
Allie nods then bows her head, “Lord, we are so grateful for You, for who You are, and who You’ve proven to be. We thank You for this time that Allie and Mateo will spend together, and we just ask that You be with them tonight as they explore this potential relationship. Give them joy, peace, and comfort tonight. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.” Allie puffs out a steadying breath as she collects herself to open the doo
Mateo shuts off the engine to the ATV then steps out of the vehicle as he hears the creak of the front door open. Golden light illuminates the figure on the porch, and Mateo holds up a hand to block the sun. As he creeps closer, the glare fades and Allie slowly comes into view. The brilliant hues shine brightly against her vibrant hair, stopping Mateo in his tracks. A smile spreads across her face and jaw goes slack as he admires the glow emitting from her. He tries to collect himself to say something but is only able to muster a nervous laugh.
“Yes! Drool, right there! I see it!” Mateo snaps his head toward the door and sees his youngest brother galivanting through the house then flicks an eyebrow up at Allie who shrugs, “He just got here as I came out of my room.” Mateo shakes his head, finally gathering his senses, then approaches the staircase reaching for Allie’s hand, “Cat got your tongue?” Allie teases.
Mateo tenderly searches her face as he clears his throat, “No, but I think my heart may be in danger.”
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