Finding You- Chapter Six

Published on 19 September 2024 at 07:32

           A week had passed since Mateo, Dominic, and his brothers helped install the security system around Allie’s property. Mateo had bought two monitors so that Allie could see all the footage from the camera as well as up at the house in case she needed help. Luckily, there were no more signs of Hayes anywhere. No more unexpected drop-ins, not even a text or a phone call. Allie was necessarily surprised, but it did irritate her some that he had claimed that he wanted “his family back” but wasn’t willing to see his son or reach out to see how he was doing. She shook it off the best that she could, trying to focus on giving Asher what he needed to the best of her ability.

            One of the needs now is watching him while he was at camp. Allie did as she was told and allowed him to attend much to the joy of Coach McMillian and her son. He hasn’t stopped talking about it since the first day. He was so excited to get to work with the older kids and much to Allie’s surprise, Mateo was there too. She met him as she was walking into registration where he explained that Coach had asked him if he wanted to help with the camp since Coach Garcia had to leave so quickly.

            As she approached the gym, she could hear the multitude of basketballs bouncing along with the squeaks of shoes against the hardwood floor. She was hoping that they were still practicing since she hadn’t got a chance to see him play. She opted to take her early day today rather than Tuesday since they were supposed to have a bunch of end-of-camp activities scheduled. She sat in one of the stadium seats that overlooked the court down below, scouring through the crowd of children and teens to find Asher.

            Her eyes brighten and her face lifts when she sees her little chubby cheeked red-haired boy with the reddened face to match on the other side of the gym at the top of the key while four other little boys are behind him. Mateo has the ball, and each kid has their eyes laser focused on him as he speaks animatedly with the ball. To be a fly on the wall, she thinks, wishing she hear what he is saying. She’s taught the kids’ Sunday School class before and never has their attention like this. There’s always at least one kid who finds picking his boogers more interesting than learning about Jesus.

            Mateo slaps against the ball and crouches lower to be closer to their height as he dribbles slowly to the right. Asher spreads his small arms and legs wide as he tries to guard Mateo but when he begins to slide with him, he loses his balance and falls backwards. Mateo immediately stops what he’s doing to pull him up and demonstrates a stance where Asher would be better balanced. Live play happened two more times with the same result of Asher either losing his balance or tripping over his feet, causing his little chest to huff and puff to prevent himself from crying.  

            Allie slips the end of her seat, her hands gripping the edges of the arm rest as she looks on with a worried expression. As much as she realizes that Asher has a natural athleticism, she beats herself for him developing the unnatural tendency to hold himself to an impossible standard. Allie has had to learn the hard way to watch what she says about herself around Asher because, like all kids, he is a sponge to new information. He had basically grown up alongside Allie, and while she appreciates the relationship that she has with Jesus now, a part of her struggles with having Asher so early in life. Why didn’t I have him later? I should’ve gotten my lie together first. He shouldn’t have had to witness the meltdowns, she often says to herself.

            Just as she’s about to run to the court to save him, Mateo stops the drill and crouches in front of him, talking to him quietly. Allie’s heart begins to beat more rapidly, grieving when she sees his tiny bottom lip quiver as he uses his forearm to wipe under his eyes. Mateo gently touches the tip of his elbow and Asher gives him a soft nod. Mateo then straightens his back and uses his hands to gesture an inhale which Asher mimics. Allie looks to the rest of the kids who appear to be listening just as intently as Asher is then Mateo calls to them and tells them to closely pay attention. He demonstrates the defensive drill another time, slowly taking Asher through the steps once again. Allie can only see the back of Mateo’s head but he must have silently asked Asher another question because Asher takes a deep breath in and gives a firmer nod than he had before.

            Allie hesitantly scoots to the back of the chair, watching the drill closely to see if Asher has another meltdown, but she is pleasantly surprised when they run through the drill again and he slightly trips but continues to push through the drill. The little boys shout cheers of joy and excitedly jump and slap at the hand that Mateo is holding up. Allie feels her own tears spring forward as her throat tightens. No one, not even Allie, is able to get Asher out of a funk once he gets to that point of frustration. No matter how soft someone talks, how much they try to reason with him, he takes himself so seriously and it’s hard for people to get through until he processes it.

            A whistle screeches throughout the gymnasium, echoing off the vaulted ceiling. Allie becomes slightly woozy when she looks up, re-gripping the arm rests to make sure that she stays seated. Something about heights makes her feel so off kilter. Coach calls everyone over to have a seat then gives his speech about the camp, how excited he is for the upcoming season, and he hopes to see everyone at the home opener in a few months. Once he finishes, he steps aside for his players to give out awards for the age groups. After the last kid finishes, Mateo steps up, surprising Allie, since she wasn’t sure just how involved he was going to be.

            He clears his throat before he starts talking, “Hey guys, I’m sure you all know me by now from the first day of camp, but for the parents who don’t know me,” he searches the crowd where Allie is sitting then locks eyes with her as he gives her, only her, a grin that makes her blush, “I’m Mateo. I had the honor and privilege of playing for Coach McMillian when I was your age and all throughout high school,” he turns slightly to the side where the players are gathered around Coach, “working the camp was one of my favorite parts of playing. Not just because it was a week off from the cardio torture Coach would put us through.” That earned a chuckle from the audience and as Allie looked around, she noticed some of the younger moms making googly eyes at Mateo, twirling their hair with big smiles across their faces. She shifts in her seat, careful to now remain indifferent, even if she understands the effect that Mateo has on them.

            “This week was always my favorite because of the opportunity to pass on the knowledge and encouragement that Coach always gave us throughout the season. This time, I had the privilege of working with the kindergarten squad, A-Squad, is what we called ourselves, and let me tell you, I haven’t worked with a group as hard working as this one in a long time. It was great to see, so thank you, Coach, for letting me join. Thank you, A-Squad, for letting me hang out with you this week, and thank you, parents, for trusting me with your kids.” Again, he finds Allie in the crowd, this time bolder and sending her a wink. As much as Allie feels a Millie type squeal well within her soul, she reigns in it. She continues to stare forward as Mateo presents his awards but can feel the stares of the other moms lasering the side of her face.

            Once the awards were passed out and the older players were named for the All-Star game, Coach dismissed everyone, telling the parents that the game will start shortly after a quick break. Asher bounced up from where he was sitting on the court, his hands full of papers and a plaque for his achievements and bound for the stairwell. It only took a few minutes before he nearly tackled Allie with excitement, telling her about the camp, about his awards, about the friends he made, barely allowing a breath between each word. Allie laughs lightheartedly as she takes in the information overload, ruffling his silky red mop top, “Good to see you too, buddy.”

            “Oh, hi mom. I love you. I missed you!” He exclaims as he wraps her in a hug. She holds him close, cherishing the moment, praying that he stays this sweet and innocent forever. She hears footsteps walking toward her and when she looks up, she sees Mateo leisurely strolling toward them with his hands in his pockets. He smiles once again, making those pesky butterflies flutter relentlessly, “Hey.” He says simply.

            Asher turns around, shouting Mateo’s name and giving him a quick recap of the ten seconds. Both Allie and Mateo shake their heads at him, “He did great this week, he’s one hell of a player.” Mateo says to Asher, who puffs out his chest with a big grin on his face, “Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask you, but I haven’t seen you, how’s the security system working out?” Mateo asks, Her alarm system? Are you serious? He mentally kicks himself for thinking of something so lame to talk about, but he couldn’t think of anything else. Thankfully, Allie gives him some slack and says that it’s working out well.

            Game time, Mateo. Come on, pick it up, he amps himself up, “Well, let me give you my number in case you have any trouble, that way we can exchange it for something better.” As much as Allie’s default is to politely decline, to say that it was okay, and to brush it off, she fights against it. There’s no part of her that wants to deny having his number and as calmly as she possibly can, she rattles off her number as Mateo types it into his phone. Her phone dings immediately with a 918-area code.

            Allie saves it in her phone then an awkward silence looms over them as Asher pulls at Allie’s shirt to ask for something to eat, “Well, I should probably go. He becomes a different kid once the hunger sets it.” Allie says with an awkward chuckle, mentally facepalming as she walks away. Asher tells Mateo goodbye as they hurry out of the gym, and Mateo watches helplessly as his chance to ask Allie on a proper date fade away. Ever since the thank you dinner for the security system, really since before the trip to get the security system, he had been wanting to spend more time with her. He just didn’t know how. If Mateo was being honest with himself, he was little out of his league with this.

            He didn’t date much.

            “Dating” being a loose term, but he knew that Allie was different.

            He knew this wasn’t the only way to ask her out, but if this interaction taught him anything, it was that he needed help. He groaned as he thought about who he had to go to, knowing that his ears weren’t quite ready for the squeal that awaited him. But since Millie is the closest female to him and Allie, she was the best shot that he had.

            “Ahhhhhhhh!” Millie shouted as she rapidly ran in place, “Oh, my goodness! This is so exciting!”

Mateo sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose, “Are you done yet?”

Millie slowed to a stop as she composed herself, “Yes, I’m sorry. Continue..”

Mateo side eyed her, “As I was saying, I want to ask Allie out on date and-,” Millie let out another tiny squeal but quickly quieted herself by putting a hand over her mouth, “I’m sorry, continue.”

            “What’s the best approach?”

            Millie thinks for a moment as she takes a seat on the edge of her bed while Mateo takes a seat at her art desk, “Be straightforward and honest.”

            “Can you elaborate?”

            Millie huffs out a breath of slight agitation, “Allie’s been through a lot with Asher’s dad. She thinks that we haven’t noticed, but we have.”

            “Like what?”

            “Kind of like the stuff we saw last week. He would come around with big, grand gestures. Like flowers sent to the church, posts made on social media, and sweet texts about how much he wanted their family together. He would make promises to her then a week later, she would be crying in her office. Though, she doesn’t know that we know that.”

            “How do you know that?”

            “Some of the stuff, Allie has shared. Other times, it was obvious. But there was one time, that I swore dad and Uncle Rich almost came unglued for.”

            “What was it?”

            Millie looks around Mateo then gets up and closes the door, “Nobody else knows besides Dad and Uncle Rich, Aunt Harmony, and Allie obviously. They don’t even know that I know. I was in the office when it happened.”

            Mateo gives Millie a look that tells her to get on with the story, “So, this was about a year ago, I think, and he shows up to the church looking for Allie. Allie comes out and asks what he’s doing there. He asked to speak to her privately, so they went outside. I know that I shouldn’t have but I eavesdropped. Mateo, he promised her the world. He wanted her to move back, to be a stay-at-home mom to take care of Asher, to put him in private school. He would pay for everything so that she wouldn’t have to lift a finger.”

            “Then what happened?” Mateo was on the edge of his seat, and one thing Millie and their mom had in common was the capacity to keep people on the edge of their seat when they just wanted to get to the point of the story. Luckily, her ability has improved some because she hasn’t branched off into other mini stories that somehow lead back to the original.

            “She seemed excited for them to be a family but less excited about the prospect of moving. She had just gotten settled into the house, she was getting super close with the family, and finding her community here. They went on a date, I’m going to assume that he spent the night, then the next day, we were talking about them finally getting married. She was literally planning it out as we were talking, she wasn’t just excited though… she was… hopeful. Then…,” Millie pauses for a moment, anger filling her features as she remembers the events of the Sunday that followed,

            “I couldn’t tell you why or what happened, but that morning, while she was on the serve team… he walked in with his arm around another girl. He literally acted like he had never seen Allie in his entire life.” Millie shook her head angrily like she wanted to rid herself of the negativity, but what she got rid of, Mateo seemed to soak in. He didn’t even know the full story, but he had heard enough and seen enough to know that Allie deserved better, “What did Allie do?”

            Millie’s eyes filled with emotion, “Rich was on the Host Team with her that week and said you wouldn’t have known. Other than a slight flinch when she saw them, she smiled as she welcomed them and said she was glad to see them. After they went and got seated, she excused herself, and went upstairs. Aunt Harmony found her, and she said that she sobbed for the whole service.”

            “I want to kill that guy.” Mateo stood up, pacing the floor as anger surged from his body.

            “Tae, don’t. Don’t go there. I didn’t tell you that to jump to Allie’s defense and come swooping in. I only told you that so you don’t play with her heart. She deserves a good man.”

            Mateo stops and looks at his sister, “Then why are you excited that I’m asking her out?”

            “Because you deserve someone like Allie, too. I think you guys would be good together.”

            He doesn’t know what to respond to that, so he just asks, “Straightforward, then?”

            “Straightforward,” Millie responds as she pushes him out the door, “Now, shoo. I have stories to make up and right down.” Mateo shakes his head as he pulls out his phone and heads downstairs. As he gets to the bottom of his stairs, he sees his dad at the door of his office with a peculiar look on his face. When Mateo gets to the bottom of the stairs, Dominic asks what Millie was excited about this time. For a moment, Mateo thought against telling his dad. He wasn’t sure what their reaction was to Asher’s dad showing up at the church but “coming unglued” wasn’t a phrase that was often associated with his dad or his Uncle Rich.

            ‘Oh, uh,” Mateo begins awkwardly, “I was asking Millie’s advice on asking Allie on a date?”

            Dominic gives a thoughtful nod, “Care for one old man’s opinion?” Not really, but do I really have a choice? Mateo asks sarcastically to himself, “Sure, dad.” Dominic turns to walk back into his office with Mateo following closely after. Dominic rounds his desk to sit in his chair while Mateo takes the chairs sitting in front of the desk, settling awkwardly, not really wanting the “sex” talk. Not that he really needs it, and he had thought he endured enough of it during a fishing trip that his dad and Uncle Rich took him, Mav, and Trevor on right before Mateo’s senior year.

            It was traumatizing for everyone involved. The boys hadn’t wanted to hear about sex knowing that their parents did it and the dads weren’t too keen on knowing that their sons had already been privy to some information.

            “Allie, huh?” Dominic asks, finally breaking the silence between the two of them.

            “Oh, yeah. She seems cool.” Mateo responds lamely. He rubbed the palms of his hands against his athletic shorts. Why does it feel like I’m on trial here? Isn’t he my dad?

            “She is, she is,” Dominic says absentmindedly as he rocks back and forth in his chair. Mateo is about to say something or even get up and leave before Dominic responds again, “You’ve both been through a lot, son. More than would ever be considered fair, but please consider something for me.”

            The weight that holds in the air is thick and Mateo begins to wonder where this conversation is going but instead of audibly responding, he just nods his head allowing for his father to continue, “She’s on a journey to know Christ, to love Him, to finally put Him first in her life. The man that God is going to trust with His daughter’s heart, and Asher’s, is going to be a man that chases after His. So, if that man isn’t you then leave her be.”

            Mateo stays silent, his brow furrowing as considers his father’s words. He can’t come up with an intelligible response, so he simply nods his head and says, “Yes, sir” then exits the office. Dominic reclines watching Mateo’s back as he retreats through the frosted French doors. He rubs his hand along the scruff of his jawline wondering how life got here, how had time passed by so quickly? In a blink of an eye, he had just met Megan, built this beautiful life with her, helped her birth Mateo, then Maverick, and finally the twins… then she was gone. Like a puff of smoke, their plans gone. If she were here, she would likely be disappointed in Dominic for the way time had slipped him by the last five years.

            Megan was always one to live life to the fullest, taking James 4:14 to heart to live big for God, to honor Him in all the ways that she could. He often found himself jealous of her in that aspect, wondering how she seemed to have such an intimate relationship with God, like she walked hand in hand with Him, like He moved as soon as she prayed. Had he failed her as a husband? As a father of their children? As much as he knew that God told him it was Megan’s time to go home, he couldn’t lie and say that it made it easier to deal with her death. He knew that he would see her again someday, and he couldn’t wait, but knowing that sent him into auto pilot.

            The first two years seemed to go by in a daze, life passing them by, each one of them doing what they could to just keep from drowning. It wasn’t lost on him that his relationships with each of his kids changed; Mateo was out there lost in the world, Mav only talks to him about the ministry and things related to the church, Millie is Millie and he’s grateful for that, and Malachi only ever talks about football and the career that he wishes to have. Even Dominic had changed, throwing himself into the church, working at all hours on sermons, various ministries and the church has had exponential growth over the years, but at what cost?

            Dominic stands up, walks around his desk to look at the plaques on the wall surrounded by various family pictures and he finds himself missing how things used to be. The family still gathered but it seemed lackluster, devoid of emotions. The conversations always centered around the future, everyone’s plans, accomplishments, and invaluable things that they couldn’t take home. Immediately he felt a weight in his chest, a sorrow in his heart as he sank to his knees,

Lord, forgive me. I have put my grief over Megan’s death above You. I have let it consume me, overwhelm me, and control me. Lord, I thank You for Your never-ending grace and mercy though I deserve Your wrath for leading my sheep astray. You have called me above to teach, to be held to a higher standard and I have failed You. Lord, please help me. Set my paths straight. Search my heart, Lord, know my heart. Test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. God, I need You. My family needs You. Lord, work within us, restore us. Let us see Your glory. In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

            Dominic stayed in the same position, praying, repenting, and crying out to God. He thanked Him for Mateo coming home and having the conversation about Allie and Asher needing a man of faith in their life that woke him up to the daze that he and his family had found themselves in. Dominic soon returned to his desk, when was the last time I fasted? When was the last time that I truly put Him first and practiced what I’m supposed to preach? He quickly fired off a text to his children and staff, letting them know that he would be away for the next few days but would be available if he was needed.

            Dominic closed his eyes as he slowly inhaled. He needed to do this. God had surrounded him with plenty of qualified people to run things in his absence and he was grateful for that. His soul needed repaired, he needed this time with God, to put things back in the order that they were intended.

            Meanwhile Dominic was in his office, Mateo went outside to the dock to find solace in his thoughts. He knew that he wanted to ask out Allie, but how important was it really that he went to church? He was honest with Allie in that he believed in God, he believed in Jesus’s sacrifice, but did he really need to subscribe to all of it? He laid back on the dock thinking of his life, his decisions, but the more that he thought about it, the dirtier that he had felt. When he first got out there, he had thought about how this would have been the opportune time to smoke a blunt, but the longer he sat there questioning his relationship with God, the smaller the need was.

            The sun once sitting high in the sky is now beginning to descend, indicating that he had been out here for a while, but he didn’t mind. He didn’t get a lot of moments like this in Washington, moments just to himself. Ethan was always conspiring to do something whether it was going to a bar or having some sort of party at the house. He didn’t realize how grateful he was for peace and quiet until he was actively resting in it. It felt like he could breathe for the first time in a long time, God, where are You?

            A branch crunches in the distance causing Mateo to sit up straight on high alert until he sees his brother standing there, “Hey, man. What are you doing here?” Mav says as he slowly strolls closer to Mateo.

            “Ah, nothing. Just came out here to think.”

            “Everything, okay?” Maverick walks over to the dock, the planks creaking underneath the weight of his feet as he crouches low to take a seat next to Mateo.

            “Oh, yeah, uh,” Mateo pauses, unsure of how much he wants to share with the rest of the family, “I asked Mills advice on how to ask Allie on a date then dad overheard and gave me his own advice.”

            “What did he say?”

            “Basically to be straightforward but dad also said to make sure that I was chasing after God to get to Allie.”

            Maverick nods slowly, knowing that he should chew on his words carefully before responding, but something about him potentially dating Allie doesn’t sit well with him. It’s no secret how close Allie is to the family, they had taken them in as their own, and the boys have since become rather protective of her as brothers. He had seen the mistreatment and wanted her to find a godly man just as much as the rest of the family had, however, he wasn’t sure if that was Mateo, “I agree. She needs a man that can lead her. If that’s not you then leave her alone.”

            Mateo huffs a sarcastic laugh, “What makes everyone think that I’m this worthless piece of crap that isn’t worthy of asking Allie on a date?”

            “Tae, come on. We’re not under any impressions that you’re in Washinton feeding the homeless, doing any sort of charity work, or working in any ministries.”

            “And that’s supposed to be the pinnacle of Christianity?”

            “It’s a good baseline of serving others…” Maverick replies with an condescending undertone.

            “As opposed to what?”

            “Serving yourself.”

            “You think I’ve been serving myself? You think that I’m selfish?” Mateo emphasizes. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Do they understand anything? Did they not witness the same thing that he did? Everything that he did was in opposition of himself. He stands up, retreating off the dock and back to the house, “Everything I did was for this family.”

            “Cut the crap, Tae,” Maverick shouts from behind him as he follows behind him, grabbing his shoulder. Mateo whips around leaving the boys nearly chest to chest, “everything you did since the moment mom died was all about Mateo, what Mateo wanted, what Mateo could handle, what Mateo could handle. The moment you left you didn’t give a single rip about anyone that you left behind.”

            Fire ignites in the boys’ eyes as they face off, each one of them standing firmly on their own perspectives, “You can’t be serious, Mav. I didn’t leave because of me, I left for you!”

            “And who did it benefit? Cause it wasn’t us. We were the ones who had to deal with the fall out, not you. You got to live the life that you always wanted. Big shot college basketball player, right Tae? Some of us had dreams and goals beyond River Valley too.”

            “What are you talking about, Mav? You could’ve left with Jessa if you hadn’t been so scared.”

            “The only thing I was “scared of” was leaving dad in the state that he was in, so I didn’t. I was the one that sacrificed to keep this family going.”

            As fired up as he had been moments ago, Maverick’s claims sober him, “What are you talking about? Dad was fine."

            "That’s what I’m talking about, Tae. He wasn’t fine. Nobody was, including you. You didn’t want to see it or care about it. That’s the stuff we’re talking about when it comes to Allie. She deserves someone who sees and cares about her even if it’s inconvenient or it’s hard. It’s about having the strength to show up for someone other than yourself. The only way anyone can do that is through the strength of Jesus.”

            Mateo could feel it deep in his bones that his brother was right, but his ego wouldn’t let him accept it. All he could hear is how he wasn’t good enough for Allie, how he had already failed before he even tried, how terrible he was… of course, the claims probably weren’t too far off base. He wasn’t even brave enough to take a bullet for his mom. Had he been the one that had died that night, the family would still be together. Frustrated tears raged within him, “And what about you, huh? The perfect brother. The one that everyone loves, the one that can do no wrong, right? How does your girlfriend feel that you still hold a torch for the Jessa Clayton?” Mateo didn’t know what his aim was. He didn’t even know if it was true, he just threw arrows hoping for one to hit.

            “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Mav says indignantly.

            “Don’t I? That’s what you two were talking about before mom died, wasn’t it? Taking a gap year to see if she had what it took to make it big,” Mateo laughs maliciously, “guess she did. Had to get rid of some dead weight first though.” He spat and he hated himself for it. He knew the history that his brother and Jessa shared, their love was palpable even at a young age. Mav looked down as he sucked his tongue to his teeth then rubbed his jaw line, “You know, I was praying that I missed the mark, that it was just my own anger that I was holding on to that skewed my vision…”

            “Mav, I’m sorry-,” Mateo begins, regret setting in, but Maverick just holds a hand up, “Save it, Tae.” Maverick doesn’t say anything else as he passes, fuming from the words that were spoken. In part, he’s frustrated with himself for even subjecting himself and his brother to such a hurtful conversation, the conviction that he was feeling from the Holy Spirit was heavy. He knew that he had an opportunity to lay everything down, to give his brother the grace that he himself doesn’t deserve from Jesus, he knew the Holy Spirit was telling him not to start an argument, but he ignored him anyway. As much as he wanted to take over the church one day, this was a moment that he was grateful that his dad hadn’t stepped down yet. His dad had told him that he wasn’t quite ready yet, and that conversation just proved it.

            Not only was he frustrated with himself, he was mad at Mateo for throwing a random accusation that hit with such accuracy that he wasn’t certain whether Mateo had access to his thoughts. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Mateo was right, and it had created insecurity in Maverick. He knew in the depths of his soul that his relationship with Alivia wasn’t fruitful, much like the rest of the family, they had just been going through the motions. He did care for Alivia and her son, as much as he was allowed to, very much. She was beautiful in every sense of the word; she was loving, kind, and eloquent, but there was something missing.

            It was a fire, a spark, a chemical reaction.

            One that he had only had with one other woman.

            The one that he let get away.

            In Nashville, just states away from the life that she used to know, Jessa Clayton sat at her vanity that illuminated the mirror with bright lights. She fluffs and tousles her hair until it’s just perfect then touches up her lip gloss. Just as she’s finishing, the crowd that awaits her beyond the velvet curtain begins to rouse with anticipation. She closes her eyes and basks in the moment, I made it, she thinks. This is the life that she had always wanted, always dreamed of since she was a little girl. The crowd begins to grow louder and louder, her name mixed with the band’s name jeered loudly throughout the concert hall.

            Sold out.

            Two words that she never thought she’d see alongside her name or even associated with her name. Jessa considered herself lucky, not many girls landed a talent manager and the opportunity to lead a band as a headliner on a major tour. Her dreams came true in an instant, she was just grateful that God showed her favor before she ruined everything.

            The cheers became loud and thunderous, the stops and shouts from the crowd shook the ground and rattled all that was in the room but still she smiled. The members of her band walked behind her with the drummer, Joey, asking her if she was ready. As she responded, her talent manager and boyfriend came into the room clapping his hands together as he told them that the crowd was ready.

            “Nervous?” He asked as he towered over her, his deep voice igniting goosebumps all over her skin. She didn’t allow herself to think about the last time a guy had this effect on her, yet it was inevitable with Jasper. The boy that she left behind had one thing that Jasper constantly reminded her of every time they were alone, something that he had been longing for, practically begged, but she hadn’t given in yet.

            She couldn’t.

            There was some part of her that waited for the day that she would see him in the crowd. She would see him cheering for her, demand to get backstage, and sweep her off her feet. But that wasn’t reality. That was Hollywood. However, what was reality was what she felt for Jasper in these moments. He was here. He did support her unconditionally. It was about time that she got over her high school love and showed Jasper what he meant to her. And she would, right after this leg of shows ends, in Oklahoma City, no less. The irony was not lost on her, but at least she had a few weeks before that show arrived. She would finally put to rest the other future that lurked in the back of her mind.

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