“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28
One of my favorite things about my marriage to Kardde (pronounced Car-Day for those that don’t know) is the conversations that we have when we’re in the car and seeing how God has transformed those conversations. Where once we were big time gossipers, under the guise of venting, and not producing anything productive to conversations about God and His truth. There are somedays where we speculate about mysteries of the world and connect them to the Kingdom, talk about world issues from a Christian perspective, or just simply bask in how good He really is by looking back at the Providence of God.
This last Sunday, I was reading one of my devotionals and the topic was “When do you feel God’s love the most?” I always love listening to Kardde talk about his faith most due to knowing where he came from to where God has delivered him too. While his answer was profound and well thought out, just listening to him gave me my answer. When I feel God’s love the most is in the little moments of life that prove to be the biggest ones.
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:4-7
The moments that I can look back and give thanks to God for His faithfulness is when I feel His presence the most. When I can sit in His love and peace, like the Apostle Paul says, it transcends all understanding. I made a Facebook post the other day where I thanked Jesus for my youngest daughter’s success in potty training. Please believe me when I say this, I mean it when I say “ALL praise be to Jesus” because without Him, I know that I would not have had the mental capacity to do it for a third time. I laugh a little when I think about it, but I nearly had PTSD when I thought about potty training because my experiences with my older two were not good.
I feel like there’s such a harsh and prevalent pressure on parents to make sure that their kids are advanced in everything that they do. There’s like this unspoken competition among parents around the world and within different communities about how fast their kids can reach milestones, the prestige of accolades they win, or how successful they are in sports. This dynamic makes it impossible for children to just be children. With that being said, my kids (my kids more so than me) and I became victims of that mentality. I borderline forced my oldest to be potty trained before she turned two and half. She wasn’t ready and I had no idea what I was doing, constantly making a stressful environment for us both. My middle child was a little easier, but I still pushed him before he was ready because society gives these unrealistic expectations of when our kids should use the bathroom independently.
So, this time, I waited. I tried a few times but within the first day I could tell that she wasn’t ready. Periodically, I would let her go a day in big girl undies to help her get the feel of what it felt like and soon enough she didn’t like the feeling of having an accident without the cushion that diapers and pull-ups provide. When my husband and I really saw that she was ready (and we were ready to stop buying diapers/pull-ups), we got the things that she loves ready. Since she loves stickers and popsicles, we made her a sticker chart and bribed her with popsicles. The first day, she struggled to trust the toilet so we would literally spend fifteen to twenty minutes in the bathroom just waiting for her to go.
I think it was the second or third day that I just said, “Ellie Bellie, let’s pray.” So, I did. Every time that we went to the bathroom, I thanked God and just asked Him to speak to her little body, giving her the wisdom to know her body and go to the bathroom when she needed. I also asked Him for the patience and wisdom to teach her and to keep this experience as stress free as possible. And He delivered.
Did He give Ellie this supernatural genius that she can use the bathroom like adults can? No but He did change my heart and my mindset. I wasn’t in a rush for Ellie to master potty training, instead, I got to celebrate with her each time that she succeeded in going to the toilet and guide her in the moments when she had an accident instead of stressing myself out to the point of tears because she wasn’t getting it.
Today, on the way to drop my older two off at school, I didn’t feel like doing anything. I wanted to be lazy and literally lay in bed all day. I’ve come to realize that those are the days when I don’t feel God’s presence as much and that’s what I told Him. When Ellie and I got back, she had to go to the bathroom, and I was reminded of the conversation that I had with my husband and this milestone with Ellie. If the Creator of the universe is with me in something as trivial as potty training my three-year-old, is there a limit to where He’ll be with me? No. There is no limit.
“The Lord is righteous in all His ways and faithful in all He does. The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love Him, but all the wicked He will destroy.” Psalms 145:17-20
The same God that gave me His peace and patience in this is the same God that delivered me from depression. The same God that answered my prayer at being a better mom, that answered my prayer of softening my heart to my kids, to show them the love that God has for them. This is the same God that heard me talking about what I wanted in a husband and delivered me to him almost two weeks later, the same God that molded my husband to be the faithful man of God that he is today. This is the same God that heard my prayers over both of my dads and is still fighting for them, changing their eternity. The same God that I know hears my prayers today and has already declared victory.
I love serving a God that knows me so intricately and intently that He knows what I need when I feel apart from Him. Who knows that I’m someone that often doesn’t put her faith in people because I’m afraid of people letting me down, so He reminds me of the moments that He never did. Even in the times when I prayed so hard for what I thought I wanted, He gave me something better. I literally can’t put it into words what it feels like, to be in the presence of God, especially in the way that He knows that I need.
“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels not demons, neither present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height not depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8: 38
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