Rosalie Faye Callahan of the prominent Callahan family within the Tulsa area didn’t like being reminded of her lineage, but anytime she was on a phone call with her mother, it was unavoidable, like when she used her full name instead of “Allie”. Rita Callahan was a force to be reckoned with; married to Stephen Callahan, she was on the board of several non-profit charities, she was on the event planning committee with their country club, and anything else that could take her mind away from her deteriorating marriage. It’s not that she despised her parents or even hated them, she pitied them. They live a life of slavery, in bondage, conforming to societal rules set in place instead of the freedom that Jesus offers them through His sacrifice.
The irony that she grew up in church yet had no clue what the gospel was or even what it was about wasn’t lost on her. They only went to church on Sundays though many of the functions that her family was involved with was with the church, many of the charities that their family donated to was to the feeding the homeless, clothing closets, or food pantries. Before three years ago, she couldn’t tell you what a homeless shelter looked like nor a clothing closet or a food pantry.
Even in high school, she knew she wanted more. There was a yearning inside of her that felt neglected, but she didn’t understand where it was or where it was coming from. Stupidly, she thought that void could be filled by one Hayes Kensington, son of another prominent family in Edmond, likely even richer and more notable than her family. “A match made in heaven,” their mothers would often coo as they unceremoniously planned the couple’s future nuptials. Although the marriage never happened, Allie is bound to Hayes in a way that she never imagined her life to be.
Allie never pictured herself as a teenaged single mother, but she wouldn’t have her life turn out any other way. She rolls her eyes at how naïve she used to be, letting Hayes convince her to sleep with him in high school, “so that way we know what we’re doing on our wedding night… and you should want to please your future husband.” Was he five when we dated? She often questions herself, mentally slapping herself for being so gullible.
“You really must come home at some point, really, darling. Hayes isn’t going to wait forever.” Her mom chides over the phone. Allie lets out a sigh at her mother’s words and as much as she doesn’t believe her mother has bad intentions, it’s becoming annoying listening to her mother’s insistence on how her life should be lived. She likes the way that she lives now, she likes the community that she’s built around herself and Asher, she loves that the Alexander family has welcomed them into their family like she was meant to be there all along. They aren’t even blood related and somehow, she feels like this is what she missed out on when she was growing up.
Genuine love. Genuine connection.
“I am home, mother. And I don’t think Hayes has waited a minute since we broke up.” She reminds her mother of Asher’s father’s less than stellar romantic reputation. It’s a wonder how her son doesn’t have more half-siblings out there. He probably does, but those women were smart enough not to say anything, she thinks sarcastically. But as soon as the judging moment comes, so does the conviction. She shouldn’t think that way.
It’s something that God has been working with her on since she started at New Hope Community Church three years ago. She remembers the day that she stepped into the church for the interview, the atmosphere was unlike anything she ever felt, so different from the church that she went to with her parents. It was… warm and felt like… home.
“I’m talking about here, darling. Why on earth you want to continue living in… squaller, as an administrative assistant at a dainty little church in the middle of nowhere is beyond me. Especially after your tragic experience as a dispatcher.” Her mother huffs.
She smiled brightly as she walked into the church, hopeful that any conversations about having a child out of wedlock wouldn’t come up. She remembers the looks that she got the first time that word got out that she was eighteen and pregnant and it being the last time that she stepped foot into that church.
“Hi, I’m Allie Callahan, well Rosalie, but I preferred to be called Allie. I’m here for the Administrative Assistant interview.” She says as gently knocks on the door to an office where an older woman is sitting. Though, older wouldn’t exactly describe her; she was a beautiful Latina woman, likely her mom’s age but she looked better than her mom, more youthful and exuberant even though her mom has had years of injections to keep her appearance young. She didn’t see anything wrong with injections, if that’s what people preferred, but this woman’s face was filled with smile lines and wrinkles. Evidence that she enjoyed the life that she was living.
The woman stood up, clapping her hands together, “Oh, yes! Oh, my goodness, look at you. You are just stunning. Is that your natural hair color?” Her excitement took Allie by surprise for a moment. The world that she lived in was filled with backhanded compliments. No one had a genuine thing to say about anything, a big reason why Allie wanted her and Asher to move away. She didn’t want him to grow up in such an entitled and hateful community. She wanted better for him than what she had. Allie touched the tips of her vibrant, red hair. She had always loved her hair, the one thing that she never felt self-conscious about. She always felt like it had enhanced the classical beauty that her mother praised her for having.
“Uh, yes. It is.”
“Oh, my goodness. It is just beautiful,” the woman admires her for a moment and then seems to remember where she is and snaps out of it, “Oh, please, have a seat, have a seat.” She ushers Allie inside and into one of the chairs that sit across her old, wooden desk. The woman takes a seat in her chair, softly exhaling before shuffling some papers, “My name is Maria, I’m the Administrative Assistant here at New Hope and I have to be honest, I don’t have much prepared in the way of an interview,” A guilty look crosses her face, “this has been a family run church for as long as I can remember…”
“So, what’s changed, if you don’t mind my asking?”
Maria sighs, looking fondly at a picture propped up on her desk of her and I’m assuming a close friend. Upon closer inspection, Allie sees that the woman is beautiful beyond words, her rich smooth, mocha complexion pairs well with her chestnut-colored eyes and dark brown hair. Her smile is bright and contagious, as she and Maria pose for the picture. She stares at the picture, feeling something vaguely familiar, but she would remember meeting such a memorable woman.
“Our Pastor’s wife used to hold the position, but she tragically passed a couple of years ago.”
Suddenly, Allie’s entire body freezes as her blood runs cold. There has been one thing that has haunted her and the only reason she quit her dispatcher job. She had only been on the job for a couple of weeks, luckily, never taking a serious call. Just a series of robberies or domestic disputes, but the last call is the one that made her walk away forever. She couldn’t unhear the pain in the young man’s voice, the screams, the unintelligible cries to God. Her eyes immediately connect to Maria’s, like a deer in the headlights, “I think… I think I should go.” She says abruptly before scooting the chair back across the hardwood floors.
“Wait, don’t go. What’s wrong?”
“Uh,” Allie begins as she stops at the double doors leading to the parking lot, “I, don’t think I’m right for the job. I should go.” She begins to push, but Maria stops her once again.
“Something spooked you. What was it?”
Against her better judgement, against all sound logic telling her that she should just get out of that church and never look back, Allie ducks her head and lets out an audible breath, “I know about your friend,” she slowly turns back, looking at the concern and confusion in Maria’s face, “I was the dispatcher that took her son’s call last night… Michael? Matthew..?”
“Ay dios mio…” Maria whispers, “You were the one that answered Mateo’s call that night?” Maria asks.
Mateo, Allie remembers. The name against her lips brings forth a feeling that she’s never known, a feeling of nostalgia for this person that she never met but shares such an intimately tragic experience with. Listening to him cry, she’ll never forget it. It sticks with her daily, especially when life is going well, and she questions God’s intentions in her life. The memories come swirling back like E5 tornado. Any woman that could illicit that sort of reaction to their loss, must have been pretty loved. Why would God take her from them? Allie questions. Although, Allie finds herself in a midst of grief all over again. She never kept up with the outcome of that call, but had hoped, maybe even prayed that this woman had miraculously pulled through. Now, to know that she didn’t, caused a weird sort of heartache.
“Thank you for the opportunity, but I really don’t think that I’m the right person for the job.”
“No, please wait. We have never publicly posted this job, it has always been given to some family member, or in my case, a family friend. Believe it or not, you are the only person to respond to the ad.” Maria insists.
Although her body is screaming at her to keep walking back to her car and chalking this up as some crazy twist of fate, Allie stays to listen to Maria, “Call it a coincidence, but I think that this is a God connection. Whether you believe in God, or your foundation is rocky, I believe that He sent you here. Please, the job is yours if you want it.”
“Just like that?” Rosalie chuckles humorlessly, “You don’t know if I’m a psychopath or a serial killer, or an atheist.”
“No, I don’t. But I feel like the Holy Spirit is screaming at me because His voice is so loud. You were meant to be here, Rosalie Callahan. You have an assignment here; I can feel it,” Maria reaches into her pocket and pulls out a little card, “Here, this is my card. My direct line. Think about it for a couple of days. Everything that we just talked about will stay between us for as long as you need it to be, but the job is yours.”
Allie’s brow furrows as she looks intently at the card, contemplating whether she should take it. What’s the harm in just taking it? She asks herself. Against every fiber of her being telling her not to take it, to walk away and never look back, she plucks the card from Maria’s dainty fingers, giving her a firm nod before getting into her car to drive away. As she approaches one of the only stoplights in town, she glances over at the card lying in her passenger seat. Where she expecting to feel some sort of inner turmoil, or like it was burning a hole in her seat… she didn’t. She felt something akin to the moment she first laid eyes on her son, peace.
She started her job at the church two days later. At first, she was worried about finding childcare for Asher but was quickly relieved when she met Millie and Teagan who generously offered to babysit while she was working. Though she wasn’t sure of where she stood with God when she started, the Alexanders have opened her eyes to who He is. One of the first sermons that she listened to after she began working for the church was about putting God first in everything that she did. She had recently cut herself off from her parents, not wanting to listen to their input on her life, and Pastor Dominic quoted Malachi 3:10, “’Bring the full tenth into the storehouse so that there may be food in my house. Test me in this way,’ says the Lord of Armies, ‘see if I will not open the floodgates of heaven and pour out blessing for you without measure’”. At first, she had to admit that she just tithed to see how much God would bless her financially, not understanding the context of what that meant.
But soon she found herself thanking God for the lack of anxiety she had over money, how she didn’t feel like she had to worry so much about taking care of Asher, especially without her parents’ money. Then, something amazing happened. God truly opened the floodgates of Heaven, in a way that she didn’t see coming. Pastor Dominic and Millie had approached her about moving to his parents’ vacant house on the property. His parent’s had died before Millie and Malachi were even born. Rich and Harmony had lived there for some time while Rich was trying to get his landscaping business of the ground, but after they built their house, it’s been sitting vacant, “It’s just been waiting on someone to come by and show it some love,” Pastor Dominic had claimed.
Since then, this has been her family. The one with the siblings that she’s always yearned for. She loves Maverick, Malachi, and Trevor, whenever Trevor is home, as if they were her own brothers. Millie and Teagan, even Malachi’s best friend, Lillie, have become the sisters that she had always been curious about having. The only enigma, the one that remains a mystery, is the one that she has the closest connection to. Mateo.
“You know that I love my job, mom. So does Asher. He has friends to play with and the Alexanders have been amazing for him.”
“Well, I suppose that’s great that you’ll let that Pastor be his grandfather, but Gerald is somehow out of the question. It’s just insulting, Rosalie.” Her mother accuses.
“Mom, you know as well as I do that the Kensington’s are not going to do anything that they deem unworthy, even if it means not getting to know their grandson. I’ve tried to reach out to the both of them and my calls and texts just get ignored.”
“Well, you know how busy they are with the club. Plus, Gerald is training Hayes to take over his business so that he can take care of you and our grandson. That’s why I’m insisting that you return to live with us until that happens.”
Allie pinches her nose, feeling the stress of where this conversation is going though, she tried to prevent it. Will her parents ever understand how heartbreaking and soul crushing it is to beg someone to care for them? She spent no less than her entire senior year of high school, including her senior year of basketball, her entire pregnancy begging Hayes to show her some semblance of decency. He was amazing, at first, showering her with love and praise. He would tell her how great she was, how much he loved going to her games to watch her play despite the snub that her parents often gave her for playing.
He was great until he wasn’t.
Until he wanted to sleep with her.
Until she expressed how she wanted to wait until marriage.
Until he guilted her into giving him something he said he deserved.
Until he got what he wanted.
“He doesn’t want us, mom. He wants the playboy lifestyle, and that’s fine. But I don’t want a husband that can’t keep his hands, let alone his eyes to himself.”
“Oh, darling. It’s just a phase. He’ll be ready to settle down eventually,” Allie rolls her eyes at her mother’s response, “Anyway, enough about him. When are you bringing my beloved grandson to me? He needs his ‘Lovie’ time, you know.” She says of Asher. While her mother has her faults and her worldviews that Allie simply doesn’t agree with, one thing that she can attest for is the genuine love that she has for Asher. It’s more than she could have ever prayed for.
Her parents had honestly shocked her when she found out that she was pregnant at such a young age, and out of wedlock. While she could chalk it up to her parents being decent human beings, she knows that it was the grace of God that granted her parents that still chose to support and care for her, even if it is in their own slightly off-putting way. She is grateful that her mother loves her son so unconditionally, “Yes, of course, mother. I have tomorrow afternoon off so I can bring him to you once he’s out of preschool.”
“Oh, just wonderful! I’ll prepare his room for him!” Her mother exclaims before they end the call. Allie shakes her head but praises God that her parents still want to spend time with Asher and spoil him in ways that she often can’t. Instead of dwelling on it, she decides to focus on the task at hand, Megan’s celebration of life. She didn’t think anyone would take her seriously or would want to rehash such a tragic memory, but the thought came to her one day as she was looking through old scrapbooks with Millie a few months ago,
“Your mom was so beautiful.” Allie says while admiring a candid photo of Megan reading to all four kids in front of a Christmas tree. Megan has a soft smile on her face, while holding the book in front of her face, while all four kids are looking at the pages with intrigue.
“She was. I miss her so much.” Millie says, looking fondly at the picture Allie was holding. Somedays are better than others for Millie, it’s been almost five years, and she still finds herself feeling a mixture of emotions. Most days, like today, are good. These are the days that fill her with joy that God gave her such a loving mother, but then there are others where she doesn’t quite know what she feels. She wants to be angry with God for taking her away, but that feels wrong. She picks up another polaroid and sighs blissfully, “Look at this one, Allie.”
Allie leans over to look at the photo Millie is holding up for her and she sees yet another candid memory captured. This one, Dominic and Megan are younger, likely in their college years. But their age isn’t what grasps Allie’s attention, it’s the way that Dominic is looking at Megan when it seems that she is oblivious. His eyes hold a love in them that Allie isn’t sure she ever experienced, like Dominic is looking at a literal angel, “I’m making you swear to this now, Rosalie Callahan,” Millie gives Allie a pointed look that makes Allie giggle, “Do not let me marry a man unless he looks at me like this.”
Allie laughs again but nods, “You got it… They must have had the perfect marriage.”
“I think they did, but not like they never fought or had arguments. They argued quite a bit, they wouldn’t do it behind closed doors or in hushed whispers.”
“Really? I would think they wouldn’t want their kids to see mom and dad fight. I never saw my parents fight, but I wasn’t exempt from hearing it.”
“Yeah, I think by letting us see them have arguments, they also let us witness how they resolved it. Their arguments would start out kind of against each other, in a way, but then they had this pattern of where they would stop then they would pray together. I want a marriage like that.”
“I do, too.” Allie says to Millie, but to herself as well.
“How are things between you and Asher’s dad?”
Allie frustratingly shakes her head. Not at Millie for being curious, Hayes has a way of making himself known, unfortunately. It’s like he has a phone connected to Allie’s life that sends him a notification of anytime she is content with life without him in it then he comes to disrupt it by way of making claims of “wanting his family back together” which he did. At her job. In front of Asher, and nearly the entire Alexander family, “I just…,” Allie lets out an exasperated breath, “I just want to be done with him, Mills. I know that’s terrible to say since he’s Asher’s dad, but it feels like he brings more chaos to my life instead of peace. I just… is it bad to say that I wish he would just remove himself from our life?”
Millie looks at Allie wondrously, wondering where she gets the courage to change the course of her life like she has, to take a leap of faith to live differently than the way that she grew up and accept less because she doesn’t want her son to life the same life of bondage that she grew up in. Millie has watched Allie overcome so much in the short time that they’ve known each other and admires her so much for her strength and resilience to persevere, “I don’t think it’s wrong to think that… based off of your emotions, but I do think it’s wrong not to put God in the middle of it, have you prayed about it?”
Allie slumps her shoulders in defeat, “No… I’ve been avoiding it because I think I know the answer that I don’t want to accept. As much as I wish he’d leave us alone, I wish he could just be the person that I want him to be. A man of God, one that puts Him first. One that makes me and Asher a priority. Heck, I would accept him putting just Asher as a priority. But if I cut the cord… then…” Allie gives a dejected sigh.
“Then what if he starts living up to that potential?”
“Yeah…”
Millie doesn’t say anymore, just scoots to Allie to embrace her in a hug. Sometimes people don’t need advice or need you to “fix it”, her mother would always say, sometimes, people just want to feel heard, to feel like their concerns are validated. Allie tensed up when Millie first touched her but relaxed into her touch, soft tears filling the brim of her eyes. She’s been around this family for almost three years, but it is still hard to accept such genuine kindness. After a moment, Millie quietly says, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. Would you like me to pray for you?” With a simple head nod, Millie opens a prayer up, giving thanks for this moment then asking God to give Allie the perfect peace that He promised the world. After Millie closed the prayer, the two part with Allie inhaling enough to fill her lungs as she wipes away some stray tears that had fallen.
“Whew. Okay. Sorry about that,” Allie says as she looks that the pictures splayed across the floor of the Alexander’s living room. As she looks at the photos of the shots that told the story of Megan Alexander’s beautiful life, she had a thought, No, that would be stupid, Allie thought to herself as she contemplated on telling Milling what she was thinking, they probably already had something similar when she died, Allie. Don’t be ridiculous, she told herself. But just as she was about to throw the thought away, another one, only one that could be from God popped into her mind,
Tell her anyway.
“Millie, did you guys ever have anything for your mom after she died?”
“What? Like a funeral?”
“No, more like a celebration of her life?”
Millie glances up to the ceiling, her brows furrowing as she thinks back to that wretched time, “I remember we had a wake, like a memorial service, then her funeral. But everything was really sad, and just… dark. Everyone wore black, nobody smiled… it was like people were walking on eggshells.” She shook her head as she kept pilfering through the photos, smiling every so often as the memories played out in her mind.
“Forgive me if I’m overstepping, but I have an idea,” Allie says, waiting for Millie’s response. Millie gives her an eyebrow raise, silently urging her to continue, “Okay, well, what if we had a celebration of life for your mom, here at the church? I just look at these pictures and her life was anything but dark. It was full of light, the light that Jesus gives us. It would be an opportunity for people who knew her and loved her to give pictures and share what they loved the most about her.” Allie suggests as she bites the inside of her lip in anticipation for Millie’s response.
“I… love that idea. Nobody ever talks to us about her. I think a lot of people are afraid to bring her up because Mateo left so abruptly. I think, they think, that they would be offending us. Let’s go tell dad!” Millie springs up from where she stands, grabs Allie’s hand and sprints towards Dominic’s office where he was busy preparing the upcoming Sunday service.
Allie throws herself into her tasks, working diligently from her daily to-do list, then her weekly, then lastly the monthly. The day seems to go by in a daze as she intently focuses on her computer screen, not paying any mind to the time. Just as she finishes preparing the last of the he looks up, she sees Maverick leaning against the door frame, “Hey, sorry to bother you.”
“No, you’re good. I was just finishing up. What’s up?”
“Did you get Mateo’s flight details?” He asks though Allie picks up on some contempt in his tone.
“Oh, yes. Your dad will be leaving here at eleven to pick him up from the airport.”
“Gotcha.” Maverick flexes his jaw, again, trying to hide the distaste that he obviously feels.
“What’s going on there? You look like you want to hurt someone.”
Just like Maverick does, he masks himself and throws on a charming smile. Allie has noticed that he does this quite often, especially outside the confines of the church walls. Not to say that he’s a grump or dislikes people, but he’s definitely one that values his privacy and time by himself. I suppose I might be too if I was constantly surrounded by people twenty-four seven, Allie says to herself as she studies Maverick’s expressions. She won’t go out on a limb and say that she’s an expert in all things Alexander family, but being an only child has afforded her some luxuries in “people watching”.
“Ah, it’s nothing. Just preparing for my big brother to come home.” He says with a bright smile.
“And he says that like it’s a bad thing…” Allie probes, again, alerting Maverick to throw up even more defenses. He isn’t sure what it is about Allie, but she can read people like a book. She has been able to call hidden feelings out like they were never hidden to begin with. It isn’t like Maverick doesn’t want Mateo to come home, he does, the family has prayed for this day, but does the family have to cater to everything that Mateo does? Maverick had dreams too. He had opportunities outside of Oklahoma, adventures that he wanted to take. But because Mateo chose to leave, he felt like he had to stay and help dad with the church. It wasn’t anything life changing, he had always wanted to go into ministry, but there’s a what if, with a certain someone that constantly lurks in the back of his mind.
“Not a bad thing… just a thing, I guess… Anyway, I’ll get out of your hair. I just wanted to know what the plan was.” Maverick says as he exits the office, the thoughts that plague him, the ones that he admittedly hasn’t surrendered to God, come roaring back. If it wasn’t bad enough about this life that never came to fruition, he has to see this certain person living out her dream. Listening to her on the radio, watching her sell out arenas all over the country, reading about the life that she created without him. Maverick has tried to convince himself that he’s moved on, that Haley is maybe not better than Jessa, but better suited. Haley wants to settle down. She wants to be a wife again someday, and she’s already an incredible mother. Am I being unfair to Haley? He asks himself as he walks back to his office. It’s a question that comes up quite a bit, as he and Haley haven’t taken any steps to be more serious than what they are though they have been dating for two years. Maverick often wonders if it’s them holding back in their relationship but then he reminds himself that he’s brought up the typical things; engagement, marriage, more kids, etc., but Haley never seems like she’s in a rush. Always telling Maverick that “It’s not a big deal” then shrugging her shoulders.
Maverick understands why she isn’t in a hurry and doesn’t blame her since she lost her first husband so tragically, but he can’t deny that him being content with their stagnant relationship is alarming since it’s so drastically different than the life that he planned no less than five years ago. By God’s amazing grace, there’s a knock at his door, “Hey, I forgot to give you these.” Allie says, handing him a stack of papers he needs for tomorrow’s Wednesday night service. Technically, Allie is his dad’s assistant, but he is very appreciative that she finds the time in her day to help all the pastors within the church. It isn’t beyond him how impactful she’s been since taking over for Maria.
Allie gives him a reassuring smile, hopefully easing whatever seems to be tormenting him while silently praying that God meet him where he’s at to talk about whatever he’s carrying. As she makes her way back to the office, a feeling of joy and peace washes over her. She wasn’t sure what God was planning in the return of Mateo, the enigmatic Prodigal son, but she was sure that it was going to be exciting. At any rate, she prayed that God would have His hand on the situation to guide them through whatever season He was bringing them to. Allie, more than anything, not only wanted to be blessed by God, but she also wanted to be used by Him too.
“Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, “Here am I. Send me!”
“Send me, Father. Here I am.” She says.
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