The night was just like any other night during the late summers in Oklahoma, hot and sticky. If anyone were to ask around these parts, they’d hear a common consensus of, “it’s really the humidity that’s the worst part” or “it’s the wind that makes it bearable.” Sweat pours out from the skin as if it were coming from a sink faucet, and clothes begin to suction to the body. Mateo Alexander braves the heat anyway since it’s the night before his eighteenth birthday and he has an annual date with his mom.
Every year, since at least his sixth birthday, his mom took him out to eat and whatever he wanted to do the day before his birthday so he could spend the actual day doing whatever he wanted. Her entire goal was to foster individual relationships with each of her kids, getting to know them and understand how to love them in the best way that fit their needs. Because Mateo had three other siblings at home, two of them being twins, he cherished this one-on-one time with his mom.
They walked down the illuminated sidewalk of Main Street, donned with fairy lights, as they talked about the day, his future and any goals or aspirations. He thought about what he wanted now that he was a month away from reporting to campus, but it was simple; he wanted to go to college, play basketball, meet a nice girl who likes to watch him play basketball, even better if she liked to play, and have a bunch of kids that he could build a team with. It would be great if he could somehow skip the diaper changing stage. He volunteered once in the nursey at his parents’ church, and it did not go well. His mom’s contagious laughter rang through the quiet night, eliciting a chuckle from himself.
“Boy, you’re so crazy,” she jests, “but what I want to know is where does Jesus fit into all these plans?” she asks curiously.
“What do you mean?”
The question was straightforward, and Mateo understood what she was talking about, there was never a time that his family wasn’t talking about Jesus. His dad was the Senior Pastor at the town’s only church. River Valley, Oklahoma was a one stoplight town and that is meant almost literally. Though there may be two now that the town is developing. However, being that it’s so small, there’s one school set of schools for elementary, junior high, and high school. Only one church, one grocery store, one fast food stop, and a general store.
It was small, but Mateo liked it that way. There were no surprises, nothing out of the ordinary, everything was normal. Just the way that it was supposed to be. Mateo thought about the question again, a little more in depth this time, and answered that he supposed that Jesus fit in where He always fit in. He was in the normal routine of things. He shrugged when his mom looked at him but what else could he say? Jesus loved people, sure, and he answered their prayers, but it was more as a collective. You grew up, obeyed your parents, went to church, and did your best to be a good person, and God would bless you, that was the scope of it, wasn’t it?
Megan Alexander, mom of three unruly boys and one princess of a girl, wife of the town’s Pastor, daughter of African American war soldier and Filipino immigrant, twin to sister Harmony; that was the way that the world identified her at first glance. But the more that people grew to know her, the more that they understood that her greatest quality and most important identity was as a child of God. She was a daughter of the Most High, first and foremost, but as she listened to the way Mateo spoke, she couldn’t help but wonder if she steered him wrong.
There wasn’t a day that the Alexander family didn’t go to church or participate in the activities and events led by the church but she worried if all she taught them was how to be religious instead of how to have a relationship with Jesus, how to let Him in and walk by the fruit of the Spirit instead of by the principalities of the world. A silence fell between them, and she took the moment to pray, Father, please, don’t leave him. Let him see You for who You are rather than what You do.
The pair continued to walk, noticing Main Street wasn’t as busy as it normally would be. Usually, the streets begin buzzing with activity at this time of night but they chalked it up to it being a Tuesday and people not having an excuse to get out. They walked past Main Street Bistro where their family friends, Luis and Maria Hernandez, were busy manning the restaurant that they owned. Mateo and Megan gave a polite wave as they passed the large, bay window, to which the couple graciously returned.
Luis and Maria Hernandez moved to River Valley shortly after they gave birth to their son, Robby, having noticed that building space was surprisingly cheap in this area. It was the perfect place to settle down and create the family that they had always prayed for. They were ecstatic when they found the church and began attending right away, having loved the messages that Pastor Dominic was preaching. Maria signed up to serve in the nursery while Luis inquired about serving as a Deacon, becoming fast and lifelong friends with Dominic and Megan, raising Mateo and Robby alongside each other.
Unfortunately, their biggest test of faith came when the big family that they prayed for never came to fruition. Because God placed them with this community, they were able to build a family full of people who prayed, interceded, and stood in the gap for them when they faced the heart-breaking reality of infertility. They would stand and clap while their best friends would be blessed with pregnancy while holding each other why they cried in silence. However, Megan did her best as friend to be there for her in her deepest pain, watching her own mother struggle with infertility, never having any other siblings besides Harmony. Though Luis and Maria never understood why God chose to withhold the blessing of another child, they thanked him everyday for the miracle that was their son, which repaired the gap in their relationship with Him.
Megan looked at the sky as the sun was setting, He is the most glorious painter,” ever since she had heard at a woman’s conference that God is literally in every detail, He even paints the sky, she looks at His creation differently. The sky is so magnificent tonight, like it is every night, but the swirls of blue and burnt orange mixed with the white clouds are breathtaking. Megan closes her eyes, the sun shining upon her face as she enjoys the moment.
A gust of wind blew causing Megan to rub her bare arms as goosebumps rose against her skin, “It’s starting to get chilly out here, huh?”
“I never understood that, how the weather could change so quickly here. It was like mid-eighties today.”
Megan laughed as she remembered the old saying that native Oklahomans, including Dominic, once told her when she and Harmony first moved here for college; “if you don’t like the weather, wait five minutes. It’ll change.” She hasn’t heard anything truer as she has experienced ice and snowstorms in the spring and warm and sunny days in the fall and winter. Mateo found it more annoying than anything often finding himself wearing a hoodie in the mornings to keep warm then fighting off heat strokes in the afternoons when the temperature changes so drastically.
Just before they turned around, Mateo spotted the church building and remembered that he had a letter that he wanted to show his parents that he left at the office. He had gone home after school and retrieved the mail, getting excited and rushing to the church to show his dad. However, when he got to the church, his father needed help setting up an event that they had coming up that weekend, so Mateo sat the letter down in his office and forgot about it until that moment. He begged his mom to walk over there quickly to retrieve it, but Megan suddenly got the feeling that they should leave.
As she surveyed her surroundings, she didn’t understand what was going on, in all her years, she had never felt unsafe… until now. She urged Mateo that they should go home, offering to get the letter later, but Mateo didn’t understand what the big deal was. His parents always kept a set of keys on them, so it wouldn’t take but a few moments to run in and swipe it from his dad’s desk. He looked at her curiously but when he saw her face, he knew it was serious. His mom usually kept soft features, looks of joy, contentment, and peace. But he had only ever seen this expression once growing up, and that was when an older man had been following them around a store when she took all four kids shopping by herself.
She was on alert.
“Okay, mama. Let’s get out of here.” Mateo relented, turning him and his mom around, they headed back down the sidewalk back toward their car that they left in front of the local pizzeria. But before they could take two steps, a hooded figure surprised the two of them by emerging from the shadows of the buildings to block their path. Megan and Mateo stopped suddenly, Mateo throwing his arm in front of his mom, standing in the path between her and the hooded figure.
Mateo didn’t want to assume that the stranger meant any harm so he decided to try and sidestep past him but before he could take a step, the stranger lifted his arm. The light from the ascending moon reflected off the shiny metallic exterior, making Megan gasp aloud and clutch onto Mateo’s bicep. Mateo stood strong, clenching his jaw and remaining silent, though his head was spinning with rapid panicked thoughts, what is happening? This is River Valley, he couldn’t help but think, nothing ever happens here. The gunman couldn’t have been any taller than Mateo’s sturdy six feet and no stronger than him, but he obviously had an edge that Mateo didn’t. He wasn’t about to put his or his mom’s life at risk.
“What do you want?” Mateo’s voice sounded strong as he spoke aloud, but he didn’t necessarily feel strong. He was shaking internally trying to keep his voice steady. The mysterious man’s hood was just large enough to fully cover his face so Mateo couldn’t make out any distinctive features that he could later use to describe the man to the police. Inconspicuously, Mateo quickly glanced from side to side, looking for any visible outdoor cameras.
Adrenaline pumped ice through Mateo’s veins as he tried to stay calm and steady, on the lookout for anything that he’d be able to use later. One thing that Mateo did notice was that the gun had a slight shake to it and he wondered if the gunman was just as nervous as they were, what does he want?, he questioned. It seemed unlikely that this guy would point a gun at him if he wasn’t confident that he knew how to use it, if that’s the case, I might be able to overpower him. However, he questioned if the risk would outweigh the reward. The gunman spoke, but his voice sounded unnaturally deep, instructing them to empty their pockets to give them all the money that they had.
Megan slowly moved from behind Mateo, adjusting her crossover purse so that she could reach inside for her wallet. She didn’t have much on her but a couple of hundred dollars that she had luckily pulled out of the bank before they went to dinner. She had hoped that this would be enough to satisfy the man. She began to pray, God, forgive him, he doesn’t know you. Search his heart, Lord. Lead him to you. Money didn’t hold value to Megan or Dominic, she was confident that they wouldn’t miss it, though it did sadden her heart to know that someone felt like they had to go through such great lengths to get it. She would have given it to him freely.
“Here,” she said quietly as she moved around Mateo to give the handful of bills to the man, but Mateo hastily moves his arm to keep his mom behind him. Nobody could have guessed what happened next, not Mateo, Megan, or even the gunman. A deafening blast followed by a blinding light, pops in front of them, causing Mateo to stumble back as time moved in slow-motion. The gun clatters to the ground as the gunman takes off as fast as the bullet left the offensive weapon.
A breath of relief flows from Mateo’s lips, “He’s gone, mom. Let’s get out of here and go home.”
But she didn’t respond.
Confused, Mateo looked behind him, and his world began to crumble. Slowly lowering herself to the ground, was his mom, holding her stomach, red liquid covering her rich mocha colored skin. He tried to move quickly but it felt like iron coated his bones. He couldn’t get to her fast enough. He went down to her, holding her as he instinctively started screaming for help, while looking franticly up and down her body to access where the bleeding was coming from. His breath came out in gasps as he pressed on her hands and blood spilled out on top of his. Whether Maria and Luis heard the gunshot or his distraught cries for help, he wasn’t sure, but he thanked God, nonetheless.
“Mom, just hold on, okay? We’re going to get you help. Just hold on.” He pleaded with his mother to hold on to her life, and in the back of his mind, there was no way that she was going to die. Her life was not going to end here. It just couldn’t. No. He couldn’t let himself think like that, this was just something unfortunate that happened. Luis and Maria bounded over, matching worried expressions on their faces as they tried to process the scene in front of them. There was Megan, Maria’s closest and dearest friend, in a pool of blood on the sidewalk. How could this have happened? Major crime didn’t happen in River Valley, the town hadn’t so much as a robbery in the last ten years, much less a shooting. They heard a loud pop from the restaurant but didn’t think anything of it as people were always shooting guns in the country. It wasn’t until they heard the cries for help that they stepped out to investigate.
Mateo called into 911, a lump building in his throat as he thought about the words he’d have to tell the dispatcher. His mom was shot. How were those words able to exist in the same sentence? How was any of this real?
“911, what’s your emergency?” Mateo heard a soft, feminine voice on the other end of the receiver.
“Hello, yes, my name is Mateo, and my mom-,” emotion stung his jaw as saliva filled his mouth, unable to speak, “has been shot…” he chokes out. This is his reality. His mom was shot by a stranger, the night before his birthday, and she’s bleeding on the sidewalk of their small-town.
“She was shot? Can you see the wound?” the dispatcher asks calmly.
“Y-Yes, kind of. She’s holding on to her stomach.” He explains.
“Okay, good. Is your mom awake and coherent?”
Mateo looks down at his mom, who has remained relatively silent, looking at Mateo, but her expression isn’t worried or panicked. If anything, she looks at peace. He shakes Megan, slightly, “Mama, are you doing okay? Talk to me.” He sniffs, trying to draw in the hot tears that have already spilled over.
Megan reaches up, gently touching her son’s face. He’s so handsome, she thinks, he’s got more of my skin tone, but he looks so much like his dad. I’m so lucky to have had him as a son. Jesus, take care of him. I’m so proud of him, he’s been so brave tonight. Jesus, hold him. Give your peace in this situation. He needs You. “I’m here, baby. I’ll be okay.” She says, calming Mateo’s anxiety. Mateo lets out a breath of relief as he relays to the dispatcher that his mom is alert and talking. The dispatcher continues to ask him where his location is so she can alert the ambulance and to stay on the line with him until they get there.
There’s something with the dispatcher that Mateo couldn’t name but her voice, it was calm, helpful, and soothing. Like she was there with him, holding his hand, reassuring him that as dreadful as this situation was, it was going to be okay. Every moment seems like an eternity waiting to hear the sirens, and every moment that passes that he doesn’t hear the sirens, his anxiety begins to stir. Maria and Luis have since sat on the ground, Luis next to Mateo as he holds Megan, and Maria is on the other side, gently stroking the hair of her most beloved friend. Tears well in Maria’s eyes, emotion stinging her cheeks as she attempts to keep them at bay to keep Megan calm, as she takes in the scene before her, Lord, save her. Her family needs her, Lord. Please, lay Your healing hands on her. Save her life, Lord, she prays.
Maria gives Luis a look, conveying that Mateo is having trouble talking to the dispatcher and focusing on his mom. Without missing a beat, Luis softly nudges Mateo and tells him to let him take over putting pressure on Megan’s wound. Mateo reluctantly agrees, scooting out away from his mom but assuring her that he isn’t going anywhere. “The ambulance is on their way, mama. Please, just hold on, okay? You have to be okay.” His voice breaks on the last sentence as he can’t imagine a world without his mom in it.
“Mateo, are you there?” the dispatcher asks.
“Yes, I’m here. Is the ambulance close? She-she- there’s a lot of blood still coming out.” He paces back and forth restlessly when he hears his mom’s gentle call, “Come sit with me, Tae. Talk to me. Tell me about your hopes and dreams again.”
He sits next to Luis closer to his mom’s head, pulling his knees closer to his chest as he puts his phone on speakerphone and lets his arms dangle between his knees, “I just received the letter offering me the scholarship, mama. The University of Oklahoma offered me a full ride to play basketball for them. That’s what I wanted to show you and dad.”
“That’s amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you.” She responds, but her voice sounds weak. Tired. Like she’s fading away and Mateo starts to panic again, God, please, he pleads, save her. Don’t take her. Please, God. I need her. She has to see me play college ball. She has to live to see my dream come true. He rocks back and forth, the sorrow welling within him becoming too much, his head drops between his knees, tears springing forward. He attempts composure yet again and lifts his head, “I- I’ll graduate college, and come back to teach here at River Valley, whatever they want. I just want to coach. I’ll meet a nice girl, who loves Jesus just like you, and we- we’ll have some kids. You’ll get to be a grandma and spoil them with dad. They’ll get to sit in the front pew every Sunday just like we did and sing worship songs.” He sputters out.
“That’s beautiful, baby,” her voice feeble as one of her dainty hands, fingers stained red, finds Mateo’s hands and gently pats them, “I pray that God holds you each step of the way,” her voice begins to fade as her breathing becomes more labored. Her eyes flutter to a close sending Mateo on high alert, “Mama?” Mama! Stay awake, the ambulance is almost here! You gotta hold on, okay?!” He begs frantically. He pulls his phone back up to his face, remembering to take the call off speakerphone, “Ma’am, are you still there?”
Mateo swears he hears a sniffle on the other end, but he isn’t sure that his mind isn’t playing tricks on him. “Yes, the ambulance should be pulling up in any second. I’ve communicated with them the seriousness of the situation. They’re on their way, Mateo. Keep calm so your mom will stay at ease. We don’t need her becoming frantic. You did good by talking to her, Mateo. Is there anyone with you, right now?”
“Uh, yes. My best friend’s parents. They- They own the restaurant down the street. They heard me yelling and came out here.”
“They must be good friends.” She says as Mateo hears the sirens blaring drawing closer, and in split second, a flash of blinding lights are in their faces then a blur of black is moving toward his mom. Mateo feels outside of his body as he is gently moved back by the paramedics, like he’s watching a movie of his life playing over and over. He has long forgotten that he is on the phone with dispatch. Although she knows that she should hang up since first responders have arrived on scene, she can’t bring herself to do it. She listens intently, listening for any hope that this woman is going to make it.
She hears a paramedic call out that she can barely feel a pulse and they need her to get her to the hospital. A small gasp escapes her lips, knowing based off her very minimal training that this woman has likely lost a lot of blood. She grew up in a traditional household, one where her mom stayed home, and her dad paid for everything. They lived in affluent communities, riddled with charities, luncheons, and the snubs of high society. Her family attended church like clockwork every Sunday, and listened to the same pastor… every Sunday, but she couldn’t help but question the God she had learned about week after week, the same one that this poor family seemed to have believed in as well.
God, if you’re listening, please help this family, they need you. Please, be with them, she prays as she finally disconnects the call.
As soon as Mateo heard the paramedic call out that his mom’s pulse was faint, he began to pray and plead for his mother’s life, Please God, she has been the best servant. She doesn’t deserve this. Why is this happening? Don’t take her from my family, my dad-, Mateo’s heart falls further into the pit of his stomach as he remembers that his dad doesn’t even know what’s happening.
He’s at home with his siblings, likely enjoying a movie night or a game night, unknowing that his wife is currently fighting for his life. He watches as the paramedics load his mom onto a stretcher and into the back of the ambulance. Luis asks the driver where they are taking her and they tell her they are rushing her to St. Francis Hospital then quickly gets into the truck and speeds off, leaving the three of them in their wake.
Mateo looks at his hand that is weakly griping his phone, seeing that he is still on the line with dispatch and abruptly hangs up. His fingers tremble as they search the touch screen, looking for his dad’s phone number. He clicks on his dad’s name and the line trills twice before his dad’s deep voice rings through, “Mateo? Everything okay? Are you and your mom on your way back yet? It’s getting late”
“D-dad.. it’s mom.” After trying to remain strong and rigid while waiting for the first responders, he feels anything but while talking to his dad. Suddenly, he feels like the little boy that needs his father that isn’t scared of anything. Dominic sits up, alerted by the timidity in Mateo’s voice, “What is it, son? Where’s your mom? What happened?” he asks urgently. Dominic can’t understand the words that come from Mateo, they seem warped, unbelievable, like he didn’t hear him right. How could she have been shot? I just saw her, kissed her, gave her a hug right before her and Mateo left. This doesn’t make sense, he thinks.
He abruptly stands from his recliner, snapping his head toward his sister-in-law, Harmony, and his brother-in-law, Rich, who are sitting together on the love seat. He invited them over, with their daughter Teagan and son Trevor, to have a game night with the kids. The adults left the kids in the dining room as they continued playing and the adults moved to the living room, thankfully, to talk about Dominic’s next sermon coming up. Harmony, who had been relaxing next to her husband, straightens at the alarm in Dominic’s voice.
If she was being honest with herself, she’d felt a nagging in her spirit to say something to Megan about staying home tonight. She didn’t understand why as she’s never felt this type of insistence before, and she knew that Megan would never listen to her. This has been a tradition with each of her kids nearly their entire lives and it was very important to her to foster individual relationships with her children. As much as they both loved their mom, their mom treated them both as one. She forgave her mom as she supposed it was likely easy since they were twins. So, it wasn’t until they graduated high school that they had found out who they were as singular people than as “the twins”.
Luckily, they still like each other as they grew into adults and Dominic had insisted on sharing the massive acreage that he inherited from his parents so Harmony and Rich could build their own house and could raise any children they had with Dominic and Megan. Dominic quickly relayed the harrowing message, asked Rich if he could watch the kids as it was no question that Harmony would want to be with her twin in a time such as this.
Without explaining much to the kids, Dominic and Harmony burst out the door to Dominic’s truck and sped down the drive toward the highway. The forty-five-minute drive seemed to take what felt like a lifetime, but they finally made it the hospital and Dominic whipped the truck into a parking spot near the emergency room doors. He nearly ran to the automatic double doors with Harmony hot on his trail, immediately searching the waiting room for any sign of his son or his wife.
As his eyes scanned the lobby, he found his son pacing frantically with his friends, Luis and Maria standing helplessly nearby with worried expressions on their faces. Mateo heard the automatic doors open once again and relief filled his body, causing his shoulders to slump as his dad had finally arrived. “Dad, I’m so sorry. I should’ve done better to protect her, it should’ve been- “, he stumbled out, blaming himself that he let his mom get shot. He couldn’t understand how she got shot when she was standing behind him. He’s been wracking his brain, painstakingly sifting through the memory that brought them here and he can’t make sense of anything.
“Don’t finish that sentence, son.” Dominic warns, pointing a finger at Mateo before he relents and grabs on to his son by the back of his neck and pulling him into a hug that he never wanted to let go of, thanking God that they weren’t both injured. Obviously, he didn’t like his wife in this position but they both swore as parents that they would work as a team to put their kids’ safety before theirs. In some twisted sense, he’s proud of his wife for following through and not letting any harm come to their son. Father, You are in control here. There’s nothing that I can do or any of us can do to change the outcome of this situation, he prays, still holding onto Mateo, Thank You for Your protection over my son.
Dominic doesn’t want to think about this, doesn’t want to let his mind go where the Holy Spirit is leading him, but he obeys, nonetheless. He remembers one of their first dates after they had the twins and the serious conversation that he and Megan spoke about, “Promise me, God forbid it happens, that if there is ever a point where you have to choose between me or Jesus, promise me that you’ll choose Him. Each and every time. Choose Him.” Her words were insistent and at the time, he really didn’t think much of them. He figured that she could have just been emotional since she just had the kids but maybe she knew something that he didn’t.
Perhaps God was telling him something then that He could’ve already knew, Lord, Dominic’s chest constricts with the words that are on the tip of his tongue, the sentence that he is only thinking about, the words that he desperately holds onto in fear of them coming to fruition. But again, he knows that he has to obey, there’s a greater purpose even as heartbreaking as it is and unfathomable as it may seem, Lord, if she is with You, if this is her time, don’t let her choose us. Tell her that we will be okay and that You will be with us. She can go now. Tell her that I love her and to wait for me.
As soon as Mateo’s face hit his dad’s shoulder, he could no longer hold the tears back. They release into a hot waterfall, drenching his father’s shirt. His shoulders shake as the deep, trembling sobs rack through him. He feels a hand on his back, assuming his aunt’s, her touch so similar to his mother’s, as she rubs up and down his back in comforting strokes. Mateo eventually releases and does his best to look his dad in the eyes through the tears building up once more. He does his best to relay the information the doctor’s told him to his dad, but he isn’t sure he made any sense. Dominic leads Mateo to the seats that sit behind them and the five of them take a seat to wait patiently for word on Megan’s condition.
Every moment within times like these have got to seem like a lifetime to endure, like it’s never going to end. Waiting for the ambulance to arrive, driving to the nearest emergency room, waiting for the doctors to come out, waiting for them to finish their report. But eventually it comes to an end. A single doctor comes out, splotches of blood cover his otherwise clean, light blue scrubs. He removes a matching cap as he walks closer to the family, a grim look on his face, like he’s just been in the fight of his life. Maybe for a doctor, operations like these are.
Mateo waited as the doctor approached them and introduced himself. “We did everything we could, but…” then there were no words. Mateo could see his mouth moving but no words were coming out. His world was moving in slow motion once again as he looked at his family around him, his aunt Harmony clinging onto his dad’s arm, Luis and Maria holding onto each other. Just when Mateo begins to think he misheard the doctor, his aunt releases a guttural wail that she attempts to mask with her hand. Still clinging onto his dad, she crumbles into a heap on the floor, weeping loudly as my lowers his body close to hers. Silent tears falling from his face.
Luis is clutching on to Maria as she sobs into Luis’s chest and all Mateo can do is look on in disbelief. No, he thinks shaking his head, no. There’s no way that she’s- no. The doctor got it wrong. The wrong patient. She’s not-, unable to stand there any longer, Mateo takes off out the door. As he burst into the chill of the night air, he looks helplessly to the sky, “God, where were you?!”, he cries out, “Where were you?! You were supposed to save her!” he yells, his voice going hoarse as he collapses to his knees. Still on his knees, defeated, “Why didn’t you save her?” he lowers his head to his hands, grieving the loss of his mother.
“God, where were you?” he asks once again before his world fades to black.
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